22 QUESTIONS | FEBRUARY 14, 2026

7 MIN READ

A reformed hedonist who learned—through bad decisions and dumb luck—that desire without curiosity is mediocre, excess won’t save you, and growing up is knowing when to leave the party.

Your favorite pornstar — first name that comes to mind. Hmmm… Kayden Gray. What turns you off? Sexual-stinginess a.k.a fucking someone who never seems curious about what you like, never adapts, never checks in, never reciprocates. That’s the ultimate boner-killer. Something you tried once and would not repeat. Walking around the world. I quit nine months and 2,000 miles in—broke, homeless, and with serious back-pain. I learned exhaustion is not enlightenment. Which work by a gay artist would you want at home, and why? Paul Cadmus’s Y.M.C.A. Locker Room. — My dream is to own a bathhouse, and this is the painting I’d hang at the entrance, as a reminder that desire has always been communal, awkward, physical, and a little messy. What is your happiest memory? An LSD trip, back in 2022. My brain peeled itself open. I remember it now as my happiest memory because once you’ve seen “that”, what lingers afterward is a sort of clarity words can’t fully describe. What are you actually looking for right now? God, in everything and everyone. What is considered normal in Mexico that outsiders consistently misunderstand? Time bends here. You don’t do things just because your watch says so. Lateness isn’t by default, an insult—but if someone keeps you waiting, reschedules into oblivion, or simply doesn’t show, that’s not cultural nuance—that’s you sliding down their list of priorities. Respect is relational. The gag is: I’m always on time. I blame my mother for that. What do you now know about Mexico that guidebooks never bothered to mention? Mexico City runs on overlapping rhythms. If you’re rushing, you’re already out of sync. What quietly excellent thing have most visitors missed entirely? For the most part Mexicans shrug at your life story and that shrug is a form of grace. Almost no one here wants to police your desire, your identity, your sex life, your relationship structure, your eccentricities. Visitors miss it because they’re too busy projecting their own self-importance and drama onto a place that has already seen everything. What daily ritual anchors you when you’re far from home? Blasting rock and heavy metal through my headphones. Where is home for you now—and where do you go when you don’t want to be seen, but don’t want to be alone? Home is the bed I share with my boyfriend in Mexico City. I go there. When have you behaved badly abroad—and what did you learn from it? I’ve behaved badly everywhere I’ve gone. I take advantage of anonymity, bend agreements, internal and external, and assume I’ll deal with the consequences later. I’m alive less because I’m careful than because I’m fortunate. Luck is a terrible thing to build a life on. What pleasure do you defend without apology? Oh, several…Privacy. Changing your mind. Boundaries that disappoint people. Sex with someone you don’t particularly like. If no one is being lied to, coerced, or misled, pleasure is not something you apologise for. What fantasy of yours should stay a fantasy? That more still equals better. It isn't. Monogamy is now the risk worth taking. What boundary did you learn to enforce in Mexico—and why? Leaving while the night is still good. In Mexico, hospitality is generous to the point of endurance. It’s a culture that gives and gives, and knowing when to stop receiving is not ingratitude. It’s self-respect. What do you want more of in bed—and what are you doing about it? Hours of sleep andsex that matches the man I am now.I say what I want, plainly, and I listen when the answer isn’t yes. Asking reveals appetite. Silence gets you nothing. What is the most adult decision you’ve ever made? Wanting less, on purpose. One lover, fewer opinions, fewer exits. Better quality of everything. What has Mexico given you that you didn’t ask for? Street smarts. And a tolerance for closeness. What has it taken from you that you no longer needed? Fear. Mostly the unnecessary kind. What should newcomers learn quickly—or suffer for ignoring it? Ahorita is not a time. It can mean in five minutes, in an hour, later today, tomorrow, or in a future so abstract it has no measurable relationship to your lifespan. If it matters, insist gently on a time—or die waiting.If you had to explain Mexico to someone you love, what would you say? Nothing works the way you expect. And almost everything works anyway. Especially people. If this chapter of your life were a footnote, what would it read? Came back to Mexico City expecting repair. Got clarity instead. Learned which fantasies to retire—and when to leave the party with my clothes still on. ■

Jona Montoya

A reformed hedonist who learned—through bad decisions and dumb luck—that desire without curiosity is mediocre, excess won’t save you, and growing up is knowing when to leave the party.

Henco Espag